Saturday...

We put up Christmas decorations in the house today. As I was cleaning off the area where the village was going to be, I got really frustrated. I started thinking that this might be our last Christmas together. I'm really trying to stay positive but those thoughts are invading me more everyday. It's the waiting that's really getting to me. I know it has to be on her mind too. She doesn't show it, at least not to me. I know she's trying to be as brave around me as I am to her.

I left for coffee and didn't kiss her goodbye like I always do. It was on my mind the entire time I was gone. When I got home, I hugged her for what seemed to be hours. Nothing was said about before but the message was passed between us. I don't know what I'll do if it's bad news Thursday. She's been the love of my life for almost 25 years. That's half my life. Facing the possibility of her not being in it is devastating to me.